It’s been a while…
It’s been a while. As you can see, I’ve made a few changes to my blog. Let me explain.
As most of you know, I had mono in November. Any type of infection/disease is a little more complicated because of my Liver transplant. The timing of getting mono was not ideal. It was the week before Thanksgiving. The woman I rented my personal training space from decided she was moving on. I had to decide whether or not to take on the lease. But it was bigger than that, if I didn’t take on the lease I would close down my business. I had been half in and half out for too long. So there I was. I had mono and I had to make a big decision. Oh and I had about one week to make the decision.
Every time something happens to me physically that I don’t understand, I go through a very predicable process. I cry and I insist that Bryan and I talk about my funeral. (You can laugh, we do) For an hour or so I convince myself that I going to die from (fill in the blank). I cry for a while longer, usually fall asleep and wake up with a bit better perspective. Within a day or so my perspective has shifted and I’m ready to go. But for whatever reason this time something was different. I still wanted to talk about my funeral and there were some tears. But quickly after I stopped crying, my thoughts were very clear. Instead of crying myself to sleep, I asked myself “If I were indeed to die today, would I be happy with my life today?”
Let’s pause, I know what you are thinking. I know it sounds like a horrible question to be asking. In the wrong state of mind, it may be the wrong question to be asking. But you know what, for me in that moment- it was a moment full of life and clarity. My answer came quickly.
No. I would not be happy. I was tired and stressed out. I knew that as I was trying to build my business, work a second job to fill in the gaps, be a mom, be a wife-I had lost sight of what was important. I wasn’t investing into relationships. I was always thinking about the next thing that I needed to do. I wasn’t present with my kids. The decision was clear.
I closed my personal training business.
So here I am. I have a job at a local high school in the mornings. I am learning a lot and it fills my extroverted needs. I am reinvesting in people and working hard to be present with my kids. A few years ago, I felt a very strong calling to write. And for those of you that have watched over the years-it’s been hit or miss. So I’m re-committing myself to my writing. I’m working hard to protect my time and my emotional energy.
So all that brings us to why all the changes to my blog. A new focus needs a new name. I went back and forth about naming my blog “Lisadschmidt”. It doesn’t feel catchy, it feels pretentious. In the past I have based my blog title on certain themes, mainly revolving around fitness and my story. I will certainly continue to write about fitness and of course my story, but there is so much more on my heart. And as my journey continues, my focus may change. What I’m learning about will change. Maybe even what I’m passionate about might change. But simply put, my name won’t.
One of things that I feel compelled to write about is grief.
Grieving as a follower of Jesus is complicated, or at least seems like it. This year I’m going to tell my story through the lenses of grief. I haven’t always grieved well, but I’ve learned a few tricks along the way. I hope it helps people in their own journey towards wholeness.
Thanks for sticking it out with me. Life is weird and never what we expect it. Odd things bring clarity, while other things cause us grief. I just want to do this life well, I know you do to. Let’s do it together.